just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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