It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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