I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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