I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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