elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
i need some magic done to my vagina
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
