Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
