Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
