I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
