Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
