that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize