things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
