I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Randomize
