when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
