My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
