y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize