uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
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