If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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