woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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