just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
