Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
