just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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