I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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