you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
