someone get that fucking seahorse.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
