Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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