dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
how can u be prego again
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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