woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Randomize
