The maid of honor just puked.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
