Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
