You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize