He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
