If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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