do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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