apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
