Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
