Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize