the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Randomize
