Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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