Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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