My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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