I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Randomize
