So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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