At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Randomize
