Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize