you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize