Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
