So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
