i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
