I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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