hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
