We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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