What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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