you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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