I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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