he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
