I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize