i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
