I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
