"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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