Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
