You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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