Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize