it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
