Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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