Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
me + whiskey = a bad person
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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