Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
