I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
