Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
