I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
