i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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