If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
