You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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