you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
My Sexting was not on an AP level
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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