i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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