and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
you're hired as official boob wrangler
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
