My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
