Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
