hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
