I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
