Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
