No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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