Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Randomize
