saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Randomize
