I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
