So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
