It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize