i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
