i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
If its not for food we ain't going out.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
