i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Randomize
