im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
