I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
My vagina is officially offended.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
