This dress was meant to end up on your floor
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
