What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Randomize
