girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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