After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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