the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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