I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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