It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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