So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
