These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
