WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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