yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
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