What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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