please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
