Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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