what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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