Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Randomize
