so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
My vagina just clenched in fear
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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