I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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