i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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