I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
