i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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