break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
