Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Too much gin, very little bucket
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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