also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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