he wants to bone in the snuggie
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
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